326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade.
327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!". In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?". "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
331. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on her body than on her mind? 2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? 3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice? 4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? 5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? 6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? 8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? 9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat? 10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? 11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? 12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?" "He was on top ", she replyed. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....
334. Blondes... They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin!
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?". The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
340. Another blonde in the porno shop: She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He: "$35." She: "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly Artery -- study of paintings Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarian section -- district in Rome Cat scan -- searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- sheep dog Coma -- a punctuation mark Congenital -- friendly D&C -- where Washington is Diarrhea -- journal of daily events Dilate -- to live long Enema -- not a friend Fester -- quicker Fibula -- a small lie Genital -- non-Jewish G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game Grippe -- suitcase Hangnail -- coathook Impotent -- distinguished, well known Intense pain -- torture in a teepee Labour pain -- got hurt at work Medical staff -- doctor's cane Morbid -- higher offer Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate Node -- was aware of Outpatient -- person who had fainted Pap smear -- fatherhood test Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis Post operative -- letter carrier Protein -- favouring young people Rectum -- damn near killed 'em Recovery room -- place to do upholstery Rheumatic -- amorous Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf Secretion -- hiding anything Seizure -- Roman emperor Serology -- study of knighthood Tablet -- small tablet Terminal illness -- sickness at airport Tibia -- country in North Africa Tumour -- an extra pair Urine -- opposite of you're out Varicose -- located nearby Vein -- conceited
343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? A: Blow in her ear.
345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? A: To keep her ankles warm. A2: To keep her neck warm
346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: Way to go team!
348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? A: By the chipped tooth.
349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears.
